Hope for smoke thwarted

For nearly two hours yesterday, while I waited for a work assignment to begin, I enjoyed the sunshine and a good book on a bench outside our local mall.

Three women and one man came outside to smoke. I fully ignored the man, as of course he did not interest me. But it is important to note that I was not rude to him. I believe that the capnolagniac's code, even if said capnolagniac is, like me, not a smoker himself, is to be as tolerant as possible of male smokers.

Long experience has taught me to be quiet, unobtrusive and to feign an oblivious state if I am to enjoy any secondhand smoke blowing my way from the lips of a lovely lady. In my younger years (I am still quite young!), I foolishly tried to tell smokers that their smoking didn't bother me, that they didn't have to turn away, etc. I succeeded only in scaring them off and coming across as a creep. I do not wish to be a creep.

One must carefully position oneself close enough to be able to capture some of her sweet smoke, but if you are too close, most likely her lifetime of dealing with anti-smokers will kick in and she will do her utmost to avoid any smoke blowing your way.

I was too close to the first woman, sitting down probably about eight feet away from her as she lit up. She did not take more than a few puffs before putting it out and returning to the mall. So for me, a mental slap in the face, a failure.

I stayed put for a while and eventually another woman came out and sat upwind of me. I had the advantage of already being in place this time, which is less creepy than a guy who moves into your vicinity. But the experience was unremarkable; she smoked some brand that barely gave off any smoke and was soon gone.

My last experience was also dissatisfying. A blonde woman in her early twenties. So concerned about not letting any smoke drift my way that she sat far downwind from me, half hidden by some bush. Only one cigarette for her break.

Altogether a dull afternoon.

It is always better to seek a place with a lot of people around, so that your presence does not disconcert her. Unfortunately, places with a lot of people around tend to be off-limits to smoking these days.