A message to every biped with delusions of masculinity:
If you must hurt a woman …
If you must lay hands upon her tender skin
If you must squeeze a tear from her eye
If you must spit out a foul name
Or speak some loathsome insult that her ears should never hear
Or grind down her soul …
… then please follow the instructions below before proceeding:
Fortify yourself chemically: Swallowing antifreeze, lye or other highly corrosive cleaning agents is strongly recommended. Be sure to chug down a manly portion, not a sissy sip.
If you own a lethal weapon, please test it upon yourself first to verify that it works. Aim for your vital organs, such as that space between your ears that contains methane gas and hydrogen sulfide. If you are lucky, maybe it will explode!
Ensure that no possible witnesses are in the habit of passing your residence, by lying quietly in the middle of the road for a good, long time. Do not move if a vehicle approaches – be a macho man and take the pain! Tractor trailer trucks are best for this exercise.
Proceed unarmed into the territory of the nearest vicious dog in your neighborhood and give it a gentle slap. You want to be sure that you can administer a blow without leaving bruises, after all. Bonus points if the beast is rabid.
Or better yet, just take a very long walk to anger management therapy and get yourself some help.
Women are for loving, cuddling, nurturing, indulging, adoring, worshipping, uplifting, celebrating.
Not hurting. Not ever.
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